I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
