my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
