There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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