i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
