I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
