I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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