i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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