tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
