We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
