Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
