I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
