Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
