apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
