she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize