How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
