Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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