of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
