Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
