Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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