12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
