he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
