1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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