Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
