Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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