I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
