rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
