Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's like iHOP with fire
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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