Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
