i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
