I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
