Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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