There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
