i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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