you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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