If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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