It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
