It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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