On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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