Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
