well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
