I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
