If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
