a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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