i don't like sucking hair
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
