Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shame - the story of my life.
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