Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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