Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
