Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
