Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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