Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
