i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
