we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
