quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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