Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
