No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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