Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
