How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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