dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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