i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
