How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
