are you so shy because you have an std?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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