I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
