I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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