checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
